blowing dandelions...


I am Macky, a novel addict. I love... >To write... I scribble my thoughts on paper. It is a passion or just an odd habit of venting out the negative vibes of the day. >Blogs. Blogs. Blogs. >Bookstores and their substance!!! >Though not musically inclined, music makes me appreciate more... that in life, we all have our own rhythms and beats. It is an expression, just like any other masterpieces. >The outdoors. It doesn't matter who I am with... Going down a hill through a windy, muddy track while the raindrops trickle against your skin, that is one of the what-it-feels-like-to-be-alive moments. >The sky. I consider it as nature's never-changing canvas. >People who make me laugh (until the soda I was drinking comes out of my nose or until that bead of tear form on the corner of my eyes); those who show genuine kindness and those who really do things selflessly. >Chocolates. <3 <3 <3 >Spaghetti, tinapa, chili soy sauce with calamansi, lasagna of Greenwich, potato fries... and a soda once in a while. silence. gush of ideas. breeze of spontaneity. affinities. ponderings.

Aug 18 2014
18 August, Day 8 - I Dream of White Walls Saga

At the end of our lecture in Systemic Pathology this afternoon, our lecturer left us a couple of quotes. This stuck to mind.

18 August, Day 8 - I Dream of White Walls Saga

At the end of our lecture in Systemic Pathology this afternoon, our lecturer left us a couple of quotes. This stuck to mind.

Aug 18 2014

17 August, Day 7 - I Dream of White Walls Saga

On a rainy Sunday afternoon. :) This video was made for the Saint Louis University Batch 2018 orientation last Saturday.

Aug 16 2014

16 August, Day 6 – I Dream of White Walls Saga

WHEN IN BAGUIO I smelled like ulam the whole afternoon. Thanks to the home-y ambiance of La Azotea Greens locatad at La Azotea’S basement along Session Road.

15 August, Day 5 - I Dream of White Walls Saga

Aug 16 2014

15 August, Day 5 – I Dream of White Walls Saga

Gayle Forman’s If I Stay novel was made into a movie – so yay! It opens this August but with the constraints of time and money, let’s wait for it in the lurks of the internet. I’ve been seeing fan-made jpegs of Gayle Forman quotes in tumblr and Facebook and haven’t gotten around to the title of the book in which this quote comes from.
“We are born in one day.
We die in one day.

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Aug 14 2014
13 August, Day 3 – I Dream of White Walls Saga

  BROKEN HEARTS Si Tunay na Pag-ibig was kind of elusive this day eh. So two rides ako kasi ayaw kong malate.

13 August, Day 3 – I Dream of White Walls Saga

  BROKEN HEARTS Si Tunay na Pag-ibig was kind of elusive this day eh. So two rides ako kasi ayaw kong malate.

Aug 12 2014

12 August, Day 2 – I Dream of White Walls Saga

Ang paghihintay ng tunay na pag-ibig ay parang pag-aantay ng jeep bound to Centermall. Oo, matagal. Palampasin mo pa ang hanggang Km.

11 August, Day 1 - I Dream of White Walls Saga

Aug 12 2014


The sky started to clear this weekend and got even better yesterday. Sakto lang, a good welcome to this new school year. As the series of orientation for different subjects both lecture and laboratory rolled in, my head started to hurt. I don’t know if it’s from not getting sleep the night before or it’s the unwelcoming air in our new classroom.

Oh well, this path I chose… It will never be easy,…

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To whom it may concern

Aug 09 2014

To whom it may concern


There is only one answer.

Find the thing you’re afraid of the most, rummage through your brain until it hurts, and write about it.

Because in all those years that’s what I did. I wrote about what I had and lost, about what I never had, and about all that I was certain I’d never have.

And I wrote until all my wounds healed. Now I’m working on inflicting myself new ones.

As much as art is…

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Aug 09 2014

I read a poem
the other day

about how
our liver
replaces itself
after 5 months,

our lungs
after 3 weeks

and our skin
after 27 days

I laughed
about how
absurd such
facts were

because it has been 7 months

and I can still feel
your presence in my body
your kisses on my hips
and your breath on my neck

and trust me
I tried to kill as many cells
as I could
after you left

to try to get you
the fuck out of
my veins

I poisoned my liver
nearly every day
with cheap alcohol

and smoked so many cigarettes
I heard my lungs begging me
to stop the other night

and I let too many boys

undress me
and touch my skin
with their dirty dirty hands

simply because
I hoped their presence
would force your ghost

to get
out of my bed
out of my life
and out of my mind

but still
I can hear the echoes
of your footsteps
as you are running
in my brain

and it is driving
me insane

because when I was 7 years old
my father took me fishing
and made me promise

I’d never let anyone
get under my skin

yet here I am
13 years later

destroying myself
to try to forget

how you destroyed me
after telling me for a year
how much you loved me

and I can’t help but imagine
how horrified my father
would be

to see his baby girl
killing herself slowly

but what he could not understand
is that if I drink too much
or smoke too much

it is only to stop your ghost
from growing and growing

like the cancer

Exorcism flavoured whiskey, goldenkintsugi (via goldenkintsugi)
Aug 09 2014

I was 11

the first time my mother warned me
about drugs and alcohol

8 years later
I understand why
she was so terrified

to see her baby girl following
footsteps poisoned by
the smell of whisky

see addiction was transmitted
in my family

like a bad gene written in our DNA

some may call it
a flaw in chemistry
or in genetics

but my poor mother knew
it was so much more than that

it was

a husband coming home every night
at 4am

and breaking some dishes
whenever she tried to get him to shut up

because the kids were sleeping

it was

being 11 years old
and having her uncle
blaming alcohol

when he got caught with her
in the basement
at a family reunion

it was also

losing her brother to a cocaine overdose

even though he used to tell her

he wasn’t a drug addict
he just did it
because he liked the smell

so I understand
why she feared so much for me

but what I still cannot understand
why on earth didn’t she tell me

that drugs weren’t always shaped
like a bottle of rhum
or a handful of pills

because I had to learn the hard way
that the most dangerous drugs
happen to have

big brown eyes like questions marks
and a heartbeat that sounds
just like a lullaby

and that certainly does not
make them any less toxic

or dangerous.

The most dangerous drugs aren’t sold in sketchy neighborhood, you sometimes meet them at your local coffeeshop, goldenkintsugi (via goldenkintsugi)

(via goldenkintsugi)